Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
