Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
