I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
