that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
