If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it because I queefed?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park