Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
