Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
