I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements