I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
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Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.