saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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