i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week