yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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