Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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