the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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