i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize