my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
