It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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