LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
