Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
  Replies (33) Good night (5045) Bad night (1378)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.

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  (412): I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes. http://tfl.nu/yyns
  Replies (107) Good night (3379) Bad night (946)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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  (646): I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me http://tfl.nu/nl48
  Replies (20) Good night (4768) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire

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  (304): Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire http://tfl.nu/o1m1
  Replies (17) Good night (962) Bad night (5380)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  only you. it could only happen to you.

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  (617): so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it (1-617): only you. it could only happen to you. http://tfl.nu/wr6i
  Replies (32) Good night (1240) Bad night (4669)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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  (540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3
  Replies (53) Good night (1880) Bad night (5849)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

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  (859): Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/d01x
  Replies (16) Good night (6140) Bad night (1119)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'

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  (850): idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots' http://tfl.nu/6gvu
  Replies (6) Good night (3188) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.

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  (614): And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts. http://tfl.nu/c0eu
  Replies (5) Good night (1141) Bad night (2531)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.

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  (330): sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks. http://tfl.nu/zakx
  Replies (3) Good night (2625) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night

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  (608): Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night http://tfl.nu/2p0f
  Replies (1) Good night (1466) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.

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  (208): Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success. http://tfl.nu/sluv
  Replies (1) Good night (1256) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY

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  (314): So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY http://tfl.nu/g1zc
  Replies (2) Good night (1233) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(

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  (705): Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :( http://tfl.nu/qlv4
  Replies (2) Good night (656) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"

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  (989): I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor" http://tfl.nu/29c1
  Replies (1) Good night (655) Bad night (324)

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