saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
