my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
