You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
