you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
