we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
