I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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