Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
