I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
