Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My penis needs a shock collar
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
