I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can I color on your dick again?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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