I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
