last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
