Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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