i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
