He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize