i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
