I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
