No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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