Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
