I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
