Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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