flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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