Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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