Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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