New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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