some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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