The maid of honor just puked.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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