She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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