Betty ford says i'm here all night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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