dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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