Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I looked at my own cervix.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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