I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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