i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
