Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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