He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
