And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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