I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
