My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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