p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
