i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
worst night to have a conscience
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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