no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
