Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
