You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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