I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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