I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
