I'm eating all of the evidence.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
