So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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