Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
