man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
