That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
