i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
