i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
