Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
