Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
